Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I consider myself a very patient person.  Patience is a virtue - I know this...however, the waiting is soooo hard.  Not even the waiting, but the not knowing.  Not knowing whether Charlee will be our daughter or our niece.  Not knowing when.  Not knowing what to do next.

We're not able to contact Charlee, other than sending her gifts and cards and even those go through the agency in Toronto.  They've been gracious enough to ensure that she gets them.  At Christmastime, we sent her a package with some clothes, a hat I made for her, a book, and a cabbage patch doll.  I also sent her a Christmas card with our photos in it.  I also sent a card to the agency thanking them for all they are doing to find Charlee her forever home and to her foster family thanking them for taking such good care of her (complete with some chocolates).








I had held off on sending anything for a while because I honestly thought that the process wouldn't take this long.  However, with Easter creeping up and still no word, I sent Charlee another package with some more goodies and gorgeous little outfits.

This has been a long process and we've been very patient.  Thinking positive about either outcome has helped to get me through.  Keeping busy with our children, my job, photography, and up until recently, school (I'm finished - YAY) has helped me to push through the days.  I've asked our social worker if there is anything else we can do, but all we can do is wait - then wait some more...

I've been having a hard time dealing with all this waiting and no contact.  I asked if we could Skype with Charlee, so we could see eachother.  I know it would be hard to keep a 19-month-old's attention for long, but even 5 minutes, 2 minutes, anything would be better than this - Nothing.  The agency told me that they'd look into it, but we have yet to hear anything.  

My Nanny T always told us that having a positive attitude, even in the most dire circumstances, can help with your mood and even the outcome of situations.  This is advice and a way of thinking that I've carried with me throughout my life and has helped me through many trials.  I've been thinking positive about this situation and the possible outcomes.  Being this positive all the time is exhausting.  However, it's not as exhausting as thinking negatively.  So, I continue to think positive thoughts.

I've also started Charlee's baby blanket.  It has helped me to connect with her, when I have no other way.  It's helped me to pour my love out to her and let go of the negative thoughts with each stitch that I crochet.  It's a true labour of love.  I chose this shimmery white because it reminded me of white fluffy clouds, and the colours of the rainbow since it reminds me of happiness, and colourful, vibrant, and cheerful childhood.  That and it just makes me smile when I look at it and I can't wait to give it to her.